So I got bored one night (as I do all too often), had no where to go and nothing to do (I need more exciting friends), so my roommate and I decided a beer would be nice (meaning we were awake and sober), so we opened the mini fridge finding this sad sight........
Ok, this probably requires some explanation, b/c I don't want people think that I buy Nat'i. I swear some random guest brought it into my house during a party and I must have missed it (If I had spotted it I would have made them leave it out side, but the damage has been done and it is useful to distract stupid people from the good beer). Also, I am not responsible for the Red Bull (Bull piss) or the Bud Select (carbonated water), but I find them less offensive then the Nat'i. Sadly I was between batches of homebrew at the time (my current ones might have a post later).
So clearly I had no beer to drink in the house- This is something that had to be rectified for my evening to progress. My Roommate and I went down to the closest wine/beer shop to pick up some interesting beers to play around with. We both picked the ever popular "build-your-Own six-pack" option and grabbed a few odd this's and that's to m
ake the night fun. I grabbed a couple Double Bocks (my first beer love), a couple IPAs (a newer interest), a berry hard cider (I had similar cider in the fermenter at the time and wanted a bench mark), and one very odd and slightly scary beer, a chili lager.Now, I have been kicking around the idea of chili in beer for a while. I know it sounds demented and gross to almost everyone. But I really love chills and beer and have been toying with the idea of Frankenstein-ing together the two.
This being said, I still had no idea what to expect from this golden elixir with its menacing green pepper bobbing around on the bottom. I sat with my bottle Crazy Ed's Cave Creek Chili Beer in my hand for a while while I debated if I actually wanted to drink this.
There were some signs that this might not be a great beer- 1. Its bottle is clear, a color normally only reserved for crappy Mexican Lagers, good sodas, and bitch drinks like Zima and Mike's hard Lemon-aide. 2. Its label was completely metallic gold in color (like a 1st grader got a hold of the glitter unsupervised and went ape-tits on his art project) and falling off. 3. The chili had spots on it. I am not sure if it was a result of taking up residence in the beer, or if they just use crappy produce in the production. Either way, it is not very appetizing to the viewer.
I popped the cap and heard the familiar his of gas escaping the bottle, but this time instead of making my mouth water and my pulse quicken, I felt slightly ill and nervous. The astringent smell of toxicly strong green chills reached my nose almost immediately. It was strong and it did not even have a hint of beer to its bouquet. I had already resigned to drink the beer, so I poured it into the waiting pint glass.
Glug, Glug, Glug, Plop- as the pepper haphazardly dove in to my glass. It danced on the bottom in swirling motion, much like a child tiring to dizzy them-self by spinning with arms out-stretched. The color was a typical light amber, the head had very little retention- typical for lighter lagers, and the smell was distinctly reminiscent to that of a jar of pickled jalapenos.
I could not avoid drinking this brew much longer. After holding the glass up to the light to give the questionable looking pepper a final salute, I partook of the pungent potion.
It burned. At First there was no taste at all, as my tongue was too distracted my the sheer amount of heat. The warm feeling of spicy heat enveloped everything from my mouth to my stomach. After what seemed like an hour (but was only a second tops) the taste came, and it was green, grassy peppers. A flavor I love and long for from time to time. But the flavor was too astringent in its delivery and the enjoyment was not there. The heat (maybe given through the addition of some capsaicin concentrate of some kind) swallowed the the fruitiness of the peppers and blocked out all traces of the malt and hops. All that was left was grassy heat. It was powerful, yet completely lacking the complexity to keep my interest beyond my second sip.
I did break a sweat as a continued to brute-forced my way through the pint, but I endured. I would have dumped the glass, but I payed good money for that beer and I firmly believe in the "No Beer Left Behind" mantra.
As I tipped the glass up to get the last bit into my now abused gullet, the pepper menacingly rolled toward me. "Should I?" I wondered aloud. My house-mate, who I nearly had forgotten was by my side, laughing at me, through this entire ordeal replied- "You already got the bitch drunk, You might as well fuck her." I shrugged as I tweezed the soggy pepper out of the bottom of the glass with my stretched fingers and examined it one last time. Its spots were even more off-putting without the glass between us; its flesh was overly soft like it has been boiled for hours, and its plastic skin was slick and shiny. Despite my repulsion at the idea, I bit the pepper from the stem and crewed.
Fire. The heat shot through my sinuses and made my eyes tear up. My face, already damp with perspiration, reportedly turned noticeably redder. It was a pulpy in texture, like wet tissue paper. I had to ditch the pepper mush in my mouth fast. I spat into a trash can in the next room after a frantic/spastic dash/dance to it.
It was over. I beat the beer. The pepper beat me. 1 out of 2 ain't too bad.
Afterwards, While i sat on the couch letting the burn linger through my mouth and down my esophagus, I contemplated chilies possible role in beer. Chilies come in many varieties- some fruity, some spicy, some are dried to intensify, and some are smoked to add complexity. Beer uses all sorts of things to add to the beer- coffee, fruit, chocolate, cloves, honey, and other edibles. Why can't the chili?
The people at Crazy Ed's concentrated on heat and shock factor with this beer. I will agree that they did accomplished that. But there is a lot more one can do with the chili then make people sweat and turn red. Using the less spicy, fruiter, and maybe even smoked peepers available at the average supermarket, a quality enjoyable beer maybe possible. I think chilies can be used to make a enjoyable and complex beer, but this one was not it. One day I will get to try this one out in my own experiments. Until then, avoid Crazy Ed's Cave Creek Chili Beer- it is a "I dare you to drink it" novelty beer that should never be bought in quantities greater then one bottle.
The people at Crazy Ed's concentrated on heat and shock factor with this beer. I will agree that they did accomplished that. But there is a lot more one can do with the chili then make people sweat and turn red. Using the less spicy, fruiter, and maybe even smoked peepers available at the average supermarket, a quality enjoyable beer maybe possible. I think chilies can be used to make a enjoyable and complex beer, but this one was not it. One day I will get to try this one out in my own experiments. Until then, avoid Crazy Ed's Cave Creek Chili Beer- it is a "I dare you to drink it" novelty beer that should never be bought in quantities greater then one bottle.
l8r g33k$
P.S.- This guy it overacting a bit.
